Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Might Be Over My Drama Now

I almost posted just a single line, but then I decided it probably wouldn't make a whole lot of sense unless I explained it. So, yay, another long slave-girl blog. I'm sure everyone is just thrilled. :p

I got really, really overwhelmed last night. Way overwhelmed. I realized just how much I need J. and B. to be happy, and that scared me to death. After they went to sleep last night, I lay in bed, texting back and forth with my ex. He's a dumbass sometimes, but when he pulls his head out of his ass, he gives really good advice.

Commitment-phobe that I am, I was within a hair's breadth of packing all my stuff while they slept, leaving a note or email that said, "I'm so sorry," and disappearing into the night. But he wouldn't let me. He kept sending me messages and arguing with me back and forth until I was too exhausted to do anything other than fall asleep. I know I say mean things about him sometimes, and he can be a raging asshole, too, but last night, he said, "You know, I know if I let you leave there, I could have you back. But you need them, and they need you, and I'm not fucking letting you walk away."

Then, this morning after J. went to work, B. forced me to talk. (I hate how he can read me sometimes.) I feel a lot better now. I think I'm over my drama. I may still be afraid at times, but I don't think I'll ever seriously contemplate leaving again. I really do need them both too much.

It's just weird how quickly it's all happened and how intense it is. I never expected this. And this needy, clingy feeling I get sometimes is so not me at all.

I'm not typical slave material, by any stretch of the imagination. Which is why a man who thinks farts are one of the funniest things on the planet and a woman who calls herself "Mattress" half the time are perfect for me. I don't have much going for me, either. I think car horns are hilarious for some reason, and I want one of my hypothetical collars to have a "Mattress's Laundry Bitch" tag on it. C'est la vie.

I didn't sleep well last night at all. So I think I'm going to go put the rest of dishes in the dishwasher for Mattre--err, Mistress--and go take a quick nap before she comes home. I doubt either of them want me falling asleep while I'm trying to eat.

But, anyway, for the single line (or maybe two) I was thinking about posting at the beginning of this blog, I think I'll say it now. I don't say it out loud for fear of freaking out Mattre...Mistress, but I need to say it somewhere.

I love Master and Mistress. That is all.

Edited to add: I think I got the comments on this thing fixed, so J. can leave me comments. She can also feel free to post another one of her blogs, too. *Ahem* ;) And she and B. both need to sign into their accounts and add me as a friend already. *Double ahem*

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