Monday, March 2, 2009

I Am The Luckiest Person Ever

So I dragged myself out of bed about an hour ago and found an email from J. in my inbox. The amount of happy that created was definitely out of proportion to the fact that it was JUST AN EMAIL! Yeah, so...I have, like, the biggest crush ever on this girl. It's kind of pathetic, actually, LOL.

I'm now trying to motivate myself to work, and I'm not getting anywhere. So in the interest of procrastinating while still feeling like I'm doing something productive, I decided to create this blog and indulge both my exhibitionistic (I think I just created a word) need to blabber details about myself all over the Internet and J.'s compulsive need to know every single thought in my head. :D

Two birds, one stone.

(And, let's be honest here, B. is going to laugh at both of us, so it could actually be three birds....Dork.)

Ok, I'm getting off track here.

I have enough blogs to keep up with for work, but I thought this would be better than MySpace. It'll keep us all relatively anonymous, or, at least, we can hide behind our online personae. And because I know how to make blogs hit the top of Google for certain keywords in a matter of days, I also know how to make them not-so-search-engine-friendly, so everybody and his/her Mama ain't all up in my biznezz, ya know what I'm sayin'?

But, again, exhibitionistic whore that I am, I DID put a link to this blog in my sig line on my favorite kinky message board. So maybe I do want attention. Whatever.

And now I'm even more off track than I was to start with. Focus, girl, or you'll never finish here. Which may also be my motivation, given my disdain for work today....

Anyway, I'm going to be disgustingly gooey for a moment, since I don't have a cold-hearted bitch reputation to uphold in this particular blog. ;) First of all, when I saw that J. had updated the blog on her and B.'s CollarMe profile to say they'd found a slave...I was really happy.

God, I'm going to overuse the shit out of that word.

The idea of posting the pics of me on the amateur BDSM site was a good one, too. (Nope, I'm not going to say the name of it, lest I acquire stalkers who go hunt me down on there, but there's a good possibility I'm going to post non-face pics here in the future.) It was just enough to make me blush a little, which is a good thing. Plus, I thought it was kind of nice 'cause it meant they're proud enough of me to want to show me off. Which made me blush more. Same thing with the Craig's List idea.

Yes, I am quite possibly the only pervert in the universe who thinks that having humiliating pictures of herself on kinky websites and having a "slave for use" ad on CL are sweet gestures. Sue me.

I honestly was not expecting this. Given everything else that's happened, I truly thought J. and I would try to tolerate one another for B.'s sake and maybe learn to like each other eventually. But, hell, after dinner on Friday, I already liked her way more than I thought was possible. Then, after we played and I realized that she *got* it, too, it went way farther than that. :)

I have played with (and been chased by) tons of dominants, some of them very well-known all over the South and quite highly sought-after by submissives. I've had more than one glare at me and say, "Well, if 'X' wanted ME to be his sub, I certainly wouldn't turn him down," with all kinds of venom in her voice. I'm not saying that to make myself sound good or anything. I sincerely doubt it's so much that I'm so freaking awesome as it as that most other people are so freaking bad, LOL. I just look phenomenal in comparison to the losers.

But...I am a very much "in control" person. Even playing with those people, I still basically ran the show. That's just how I am. For the longest time, B. was the only person I could ever even imagine submitting to. That is, until I met J.

Friday, in playing with J., I was transported back to a time three years ago when I met B. I had the exact same feelings. Being touched by her was like having my breath ripped straight out of my chest and being whacked repeatedly over the head with my deeply, darkly, richly submissive desires. I just wanted to kneel at her feet and bask in her presence, but I decided that'd be too creepy and awkward for a first date. ;)

I never in my life thought I'd ever find ONE person who got it. To have two is way, way, way more luck than I thought I'd ever have. I must've done something really fabulous in a past life.

And, no, this is not me just kissing ass. I'm not very good at that, LOL. I have very frank thoughts that I usually censor heavily, so they don't hurt people's feelings. But when you ask my opinion, you get it. J. wants to know what's on my here it is, in all its glory. :D

See, going into it, I thought I would feel something like "This is Master, and this is his wife, and I have to appease her because I want to serve him." The reality of it, though is this: "This is Master, and this is Mistress, and I want to serve both of them."

Ok, that's enough. I've rambled too long as it is. I need to eat lunch and go to work (ZOMG, work blogs, NOOOOO!!!!!) and start writing the other story J. wants me to have finished for her tonight when she gets home. Oh, and worry that I've already revealed too much and made J. think I'm the clingiest, fastest-moving, most desperate person ever.

This is so not me.

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