Happy Tears

Yes, I named this blog "Happy Tears" because someone who is currently sitting at the dining room table insisted. But I'm making it about Mistress because I want it to be about Mistress.

She is, in a lot of ways, the kind of person I've always wished I could be--strong, outgoing, and very likeable to pretty much everyone. I'm none of these things, not really. It also hasn't taken me very long to figure out that she is beautiful inside and out (which sounds like a cheesy platitude, but in this case, it's not). I sincerely doubt there is anyone else in this world who'd have given me the chance that she has.

One of my talents is the ability to read people very well. I guess one of the good things about being the kind of person who's always sat back and watched what was going on rather than participating is that you learn to see things about people that other people don't necessarily see. I can see what kind of person she is, and she is the kind of person that I want to serve.

She understands that the slave inside me is really just a scared little girl who needs someone(s) to devote her whole life to. I know that she might hurt me (a lot), but she'll never harm me.

I want desperately to please her. I don't think I can even put it into words. If I could make her half as happy as she makes me, I'd think I'd accomplished something. I can't believe she wants to keep me. I'll keep praying she doesn't come to her senses later.

The other reason for the blog title, besides the Masterly-type person who keeps distracting me, is that I *did* cry happy tears last night. And the night before. It's not something I do often. But I'm so blissfully happy just being here and being theirs that it keeps happening.

Up until this point in my life, I've sort of just existed. I kind of half-assed skated my way through everything, not really caring one way or the other and doing various stupid shit because I didn't care enough not to, and I didn't feel that anyone else cared one way or the other what I did.

It's not that way anymore. Master and Mistress care about me. I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt. (And I'm pathetically tearing up just as I type this.) I'm full of cliches tonight, but I sort of feel like I'm alive for the very first time in my life. I guess that's what happens when you find a reason and a purpose.

And then when Mistress kissed me last night, for the very first time...I thought I might explode with happiness. I hope that happens again often. :)

As always, I manage to veer off into the realm of creepy stalker in my blogs, but I figure the both of them might as well know what I am. I hope the things I say come off as devotion and honesty and not neediness and clinginess. But this has been on my mind since last night.

After Mistress fell asleep, I fell asleep beside her for a little while. Then, I woke up and wandered in to tell Master I was headed to bed. He had me come sit in the floor at his feet for a little while. We talked a bit, and he asked me if I'd fallen in love with Mistress. I couldn't answer. The rational part of my brain was screaming, "This is only the second time you've ever met her!" and other equally unhelpful things.

But you know what? I've been thinking. He's right. (Damn him, he's good at that.)

I've always loved Master. And now I love Mistress, too. It's not something I can say easily, but it's true. All I want, for the rest of my life, is to love and be devoted to my owners and have them love and cherish me in return.

I'd say everything else is just the icing on the cake, but the icing is my favorite part. So maybe everything else is just the cake, which is just a vehicle for transporting the sweet, yummy stuff I love so very much.