J. is the most wonderful, beautiful, awesome Mistress in the whole world! Even if she is at the beach this weekend while I'm stuck here. *Grumble*
I'm about to veer off on a minor tangent that's not going to make sense for a minute, but I promise to bring it back around and make it make sense. Insofar as any of my ramblings make sense, that is.
I've been in a sadistic mood the last few days. If I get a lot of one side, I start craving the other. It's odd. Problem is, the only even remotely masochistic sub boy in my list of boys I call when I need them and ignore the rest of the time (yes, I'm a bad person, leave me alone) has vanished off the face of the earth again (he does it semi-regularly). Sooo...it's back to the drawing board for slave-girl to find a painslut to beat on. My riding crop is screaming my name at this point.
Oh, well, whatever. I get tons of email every day. I'll find one soon enough.
A large part of me really, really wants J. to see me when I'm not all stupidly submissive. I mean, other than the fact that I've been told it's pretty impressive to watch me go from shy, unassuming person in the corner to super-sadistic bitch, and I think she'll find it amusing.
I want her to see that devoted slave-girl is not my default setting. I'd say I'm pretty damned accommodating most of the time, but I'm not particularly submissive to...oh, anyone, really.
It's not that I'm ashamed of what I am when I'm with B. and J. Quite the contrary. I just want J. to see how special she is to bring that out in me. She makes exactly the second person I've ever met who's ever been able to. (The first, of course, being B.) Not to mention how special she is to even give me the chance to be theirs in the first damned place.
I miss and love them both very much. Only four more days until I get snuggle with both of them again!